A Thanksgiving Reflection on Gratitude: What This Season Teaches Me as a Black Male Therapist in NYC

Every year, Thanksgiving pulls me into a familiar pause. Not just because of the food, the long-awaited reunions, or the ritual of laughing with family until we cry and feel the pain in our stomachs, but because even with everything going on around me, this season naturally invites to quietly check in about everything going on within me. What am I thankful for? What has shaped me, sustained me, stretched me this year?

As a Black man navigating the world and as a therapist walking alongside people in their healing, gratitude hits differently. It isn’t something I take for granted. It isn’t something I see as naive optimism or a shiny motivational slogan. Gratitude, for me, is a deliberate act of noticing what’s good and grounding, even when life is heavy or complicated. As a Black male therapist in NYC, I know that for most of us 2025 has been heavy and complicated.

Gratitude as a Practice, Not a Performance

Around the holiday season, “gratitude” can sometimes feel like a pressured holiday agenda item, something we’re expected to list off before the turkey hits the table. But in my personal life and professional work, gratitude is much more than a holiday tradition. It’s a practice of remembering. Remembering where I come from. Remembering the people who poured into me. Remembering the small moments that could have gone unnoticed but carried meaning.

It’s also a practice of naming what is sustaining me right now, including peace where I can find it, joy wherever it grows, and community (family, friends, and colleagues) that hold me accountable and keeps me grounded.

Why Gratitude Matters, Especially for Mental Health

In therapy, I’ve watched gratitude show up as a quiet force in people’s healing journeys. Not because gratitude erases pain (spoiler, it doesn’t). But because it expands the emotional landscape so pain isn’t the only thing taking up space.

For clients working through depression, gratitude can gently shift attention from what's missing to what remains possible. For those living with anxiety, it can create moments of pause, beautiful brief breaks in the constant anticipation of danger. For trauma survivors, gratitude can sometimes reconnect them to feelings of safety, agency, and belonging in small, manageable doses.

Gratitude doesn’t cure mental health challenges, but it can create small internal openings where hope can start to breathe again.

How I Use Gratitude with Clients in Therapy

When I bring gratitude into therapy, it’s never forced. I don’t ask clients to “look on the bright side” or pretend everything is fine. Instead, we work with gratitude as a layer, not a replacement.

Some approaches I use include:

1. Slowed-Down Gratitude

Instead of listing three things rapidly, I invite clients to choose one thing they’re grateful for and sit with it, as a way to sense it, remember it, and feel it in their body. This helps clients actually experience gratitude instead of performing it.

2. Contextual Gratitude

We talk about why something matters. If a client says, “I’m grateful for my sister,” we explore: What does she give you? How has she shown up for you? How does it feel to be loved like that? Depth helps gratitude land more fully.

3. Gratitude for Self

This one is harder for many people, but transformative. I encourage clients to notice things they did that showed courage, resilience, or growth: “I kept going.” “I asked for help.” “I set a boundary.” Self-gratitude builds internal warmth in a way external gratitude cannot.

Practical Ways to Build a Gratitude Practice

If you’re looking to bring more gratitude into your life, whether during this season or beyond, here are a few grounded, realistic strategies:

• Gratitude Journaling (Simple, Not Perfect)

Write down one to three things you’re thankful for each day. They can be big or small. Things like, “my job promotion” and “the way sunlight hit the couch this morning” are equally valid.

• Gratitude Photo Album

Use your phone to take pictures of moments that feel good. Create a dedicated album called “Gratitude.” On hard days, scroll through it as a reminder that joy exists even when you can’t feel it in the moment.

• Gratitude Conversations

Share something you appreciate with someone in your life, it could be a friend, partner, sibling, or colleague. Reminder: sometimes gratitude grows when it has somewhere to go.

• Body-Based Gratitude

I know that many of us have difficult relationships with our body and usually focus on what we do not like about or would change about our bodies. Try to pause and notice what your body allows you to do: breathe, move, heal, carry you through your day. For those who struggle with negative self-image, this can be especially powerful.

What I’m Personally Thankful For This Year

This season, I’m grateful for the trust my clients place in me, which I never take lightly. I’m grateful for the strength of my family and community, the laughter that fills the spaces between hard days, and the small moments of quiet that remind me I’m still growing, still becoming. I’m grateful for the work I get to do and the people it allows me to connect with.

Most of all, I’m grateful for the resilience that lives in all of us, often hidden but always present.

As we move forward from Thanksgiving and into the last stretch of the year, I hope you’ll give yourself a moment, even if only a few seconds, to notice something good, something grounding, something that reminds you you’re still here and still deserving of peace. As a Black male therapist in NYC, I can tell you that gratitude doesn’t make life perfect. But it does make life more livable, more connected, and more whole.

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